How I’m Getting My Ish Together. And How You Can, Too.

I wasn’t sure I wanted to blog about this stinking virus or social distancing or working remotely. But here we are. I’m a writer and this is life, and I promised this blog would talk about #writinglife challenges. To not talk about it would be disingenuous. Especially considering I haven’t blogged for the past month myself. Clearly I’ve been affected by it, however much I’d like to brag that I work from home anyway. It’s true that not much has changed in the way I leave the house each day, but a lot has changed in how I go about my day inside because I don’t normally have a house full of people to work around.

Here in Maine, we spent all of April working and schooling from home, and now brick and mortar businesses are set to slowly reopen on a rolling schedule, taking into account the data on Covid-19. Schools have been cancelled for the rest of the school year and decisions will soon be made about whether students will return to the classroom this fall or continue with trying to learn remotely. The reality that this isn’t over yet is definitely setting in.

My two sons are in college and were sent home halfway through the semester. We’re aware that instructors have their own situations at home to attend to and I’m not about go full Karen here, but let me just say the process has been messy and there have been a lot of “discoveries” that I hope we’ll all learn from. One of the guys learned the weird feeling that accompanies an A that feels more like a gift than something you earned. And the other one, the biochemist, just failed his first class ever. I’m hearing a lot of video-gaming and ravenous snack binges at three in the morning. And there have been reminders that showering and washing clothing isn’t optional. But all kidding aside, they are wicked confused about their futures. Regardless of whether college is right for them at this stage in their lives, remote learning definitely isn’t. And I can’t argue. It has been pretty awful.

My husband is a surveyor. He is not an indoor creature. Nor is he sedentary. This time of year, he’s usually tramping out in the woods, standing on a bridge, or wading through a marsh somewhere. Right now? He’s working in our attic, crouched over a too small desk, counting the days until he has a damn good reason to drive to Bar Harbor. He’s certainly not in my way. But the dogs are nuts for him. And they get over-excited when he comes downstairs for lunch or to check on his plants or to refill his coffee cup. Their days have been the happiest ever.

And all of this changes MY routine, even though as a writer and a coach, it is literally my job to write and Zoom all day. You think I could find some semblance of normal? Nope. Because at Chez Gleason, I’m the manager. If someone can’t find something in the kitchen, I’m the finder. If the dogs need to settle the bleep down, I’m the settler-downer. And if someone is really, really pissed that the internet is glitching out during a raid, well, I have the lovely router right next to my desk.

SO. I thought I would share how I’m getting MYSELF back on track. Because to be clear, I am pushing myself. My tendency, in my comfort zone, quickly showed itself to be sitting on the couch in my yoga pants watching YouTube videos. I wasn’t being productive. I wasn’t listening to my inner wise voice. With everyone else home, I felt powerless over my own schedule and routine. I was completely giving up.

How I’m getting my sh*t together. And how you can to.

1.      Compassion, compassion, compassion

Be compassionate with yourself first and foremost. And with others, second.

If you’re having a bad day, and you find yourself in your yoga pants with a box of Cheez-Its in your lap and your finger over the play button, STOP. Breathe in love, breathe out all the guilt. Repeat.

If you’re trying to work and your kid interrupts you for the fortieth time to ask you to look at the cat, STOP. Breathe in love, breathe out all the frustration, all the guilt. Repeat.

I really think this is the most important one because it’s the gateway for the others. But don’t make this out to be the only step because my compassion for myself is how I ended up on the couch with Cheez-It dust handprints on my yoga pants.

2.      Stay Present

I know, I know. Meditation is the LAST thing you want to do right now. So if you don’t like to meditate, don’t. But if you know meditation helps you or if you’ve always thought you should try it, this is the perfect time. Meditation is healing for the mind, body, spirit connection. It’s good for you even if you think you’re doing it wrong. (Provided that you release the idea that you’re doing it wrong.)

If you don’t like to meditate, do something else that gets you in the flow. Some people say knitting is meditative. For me, and this is pretty weird, I find peace in the dishpan. I also like to bead and if I can get in a rhythm with it, it can be very soothing. Painting. Doodling. Coloring. Whatever stops your monkey-mind.

Do one thing at a time. Limit your exposure to the news. Stop the mindless scrolling. I mean it. When you’re talking to your kids, talk to your kids. When you’re cooking, cook. I admit that trying to write one more page while cooking dinner is one of my biggest challenges. No matter how adept at multi-tasking I think I am, it never ends well.

If someone is sick, remember that being present is going back to compassion and just hanging out there for as long as you need to. If you’re grieving, the same.

3.      Create Routines That Work For You NOW

These are getting harder and more uncomfortable, but stay with me. When situations change, we have to adapt. What works for us on weeknights and weekends isn’t going to work when we’re together (or alone) 24/7. We have to find a new normal. At least until things change again.

First of all, make sure you’re taking care of your body. Moving when and how you can. Eating when it’s right for you. Showering and getting dressed in something besides yoga pants occasionally. I worry it feels almost like I’m talking down to anyone reading. Except that I wasn’t doing any of this. I started off this year with a gut infection and an allergic reaction to my antibiotics in January, followed by a horrible respiratory infection in February. (I don’t think coronavirus was in Maine yet.) I was just getting back on my feet in March when the boys came home. I lost twelve pounds in January and February only to regain it plus five by May. I definitely needed this reminder to do the most basic things. I had this sensation that spring break would be over soon, and the boys would return to school and then I could return to “normal.”

People resist change. That’s average, so if you’ve been resisting change, it’s fine. You can start right now accepting that change is here and we have to adapt. At least for a time. If you’re finding you’re really resistant to starting a new routine because you think this will be over soon, I would urge you to put a little pressure on yourself. It’s true that things might go back to some sort of normalcy. But what if they don’t by summer’s end? Wouldn’t you rather have spent your summer in a rhythm that works for you? You can always go back to your old routine, or create another one altogether, when things change again. Because change is really the only thing that’s certain.

4.      Set Necessary Boundaries

With new routines come new boundaries. And while I do mean that you should create firm boundaries so that you can work or write if you want or need to, I also mean that you might need to renegotiate your relationship boundaries just because people can be so … people-y during times of stress.

I’m finding that I have to be really firm with my sons that I’m their mom and I’m glad they’re here, but if they come downstairs for a snack at two in the morning and I’m on the sofa staring into space, it’s really not a good time for a chat and a hug. I’m probably tired and anxious and trying to wind down for bed.

And my husband really doesn’t want to leave food on the counter for roving young adults who can’t be bothered to show up for meals for the next six months. So we’ve decided to text them for dinner once and if they don’t come, we’re putting the food away and they can fend for themselves.

Boundaries often seem like less of an issue once you decide and follow through. Both of these things were driving us crazy before we just said NO. I was like WHY WON’T THEY GO TO SLEEP? And he was like WHY WON’T THEY EAT THEIR SUPPER? And then we realized how silly that was because they’re twenty and this is completely age appropriate. (Twenty is the new toddler, btw. I’m a very nice mom, and I genuinely like twenty year-olds AND toddlers, so I get to make this joke.)

There you have it. Those are my top pandemic coping recommendations. How are you getting through this? Is there anything you feel like you need to work on or change, knowing that this is not likely to end soon? Is there anything you’re super proud of? Tell me about it in the comments.

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Yours in Yoga Pants,
Celeste